Thursday, 2 April 2009

The Wild East

My blog is a bit out of sync. I have spent the last few days with no Internet access so days no longer matter.

As planned I went to Attapeu and this time it was everything I had read about it. A sleepy little town with less than 20,000 people, with a very odd name which means 'buffalo shit'. It was everything I had hoped Laos was.
I was the only falang in town and even had three teenage girls following me one evening. It was like being in Take That, but Laos style - no screams, just giggles.

The main problem being the only Westerner is that trekking becomes expensive. I could not afford the prices they asked for. Everything had to be done just for me, so I ended up hiring a motorbike and riding around for a couple of days.

The most amazing place is the Dong Ampham National Protected Area. It borders Vietnam and there is nothing but trees, more trees, and then some more trees. It did hit me while there that if I had a flat tyre I was in the middle of frekking nowhere, but it was so beautiful I didn't care. There are also plenty of snakes and I saw lots of dead ones on the road.

In the evenings I had to hide in my room. In the land of hairless pocket size Laotians, I was the Hairy Giant and my landlady had the intention of getting inside my pants. I was a bit unaware of it until she got herself inside my room and started feeling my arms....It had been a while, but not long enough to turn me.

On my last morning, after the usual free breakfast that I got and no one else did, she made me miss my bus. Nevertheless, after I panicked, she got someone to take me on a pick up truck after the bus.

After my visit to COPE, and everything I read about unexploded bombs, my heart skipped a beat when I heard a small explosion beneath was a tyre blowing because the road was too hot but to me it sounded as if we had hit a landmine - call me a drama queen, but Hey Ho!!!!

So off we went for the last 30 kilometres missing a wheel but, then again, it was probably a miracle that the bus had all its wheels anyway.

We eventually got to Pakse safely and I went to the gym, which is probably the gayest thing you can do.........well that and riding a Hello Kitty Pink bike.

I am loving South Laos so, to anyone that may ever read this, come before it is all chopped down......


  1. Hurray for the little landlady who almost took you on a trip to "the other" wild side! This blog just gets better and better. Keep up the good work! Real publishers just don't know what they are missing. Love from our private Hello Kitty! (also from the rest of us)


  2. I am not sure if the story of sexual harrasment from a laotian landlady would make it to a book, then again it would be very bridget jones


  3. i thought it was a bit more like a Laotian "Rising Damp" with Roberto as Rigby and the landlady as Miss Jones...hil-ar-i-OUS!

  4. I love this entry! I've got a picture of a short, squat, slightly over weight landlady in my accurate am I?

  5. Very, very accurate...and when she started to offer masag, i didn't know what she was on was a frakking massage!!!!!