Going to Jail

I might never make it back to London as there's a possibility I could end up in jail in Thailand. I used to pride myself on being a seasoned traveller - aware that a lot of people in this part of the world think I am a walking cash point. As soon as I got back to Bangkok I went to the State Railway Office to get a train down to Ko Chang. They told me that no trains run there and instead took me to a Government accredited travel agent.

I needed a return ticket, and was aware that next week the Songkran (Water) Festival was going to be celebrated throughout Thailand, so I ended up buying tickets which, including the ferry, cost almost ฃ50. I knew I was paying over the odds so asked the price of the public bus, but it was it was only ฃ5 cheaper.

Although it was expensive, I believed the woman when she told me that all the tickets had sold out due to the festival and I also wanted a bit of a break before tackling Nepal. I was raging mad, like a rabid dog, when I discovered that the return ticket should only have cost ฃ7.5!!!! So I am determined to go back, stand in front of the agency, and tell tourists my story until I get some type of refund.

Nevertheless I am quite liking this place. It is the second largest island in Thailand after Phuket, it is also a Marine National Park and is mostly covered in forest. It is a mixed bag - the coast, especially the West side, is heavily developed for a few hundred metres in from the sea but otherwise is proper thick, bushy, rainforest.

The Thai Government is trying to make it more upmarket, and I must say that it is more expensive that other places I have been but, after searching, I managed to find a bungalow for a fiver, not near the beach but just nice enough. The only problem with the place was that my first bungalow had a nest of bees under the door and one stung me, so I had to rush to the toilet to piss on my leg.........

On the ferry across to the island I met three kiwis, a couple and another girl, who were travelling together for a few months. They are now off to Frankfurt, not sure why. Anyway, we hung out for the last three days. I have always said that this trip was about me broadening my horizons, expanding my mind. Well, Sheldon, the guy, was a hippie with dreadlocks....now if that is not me changing I don't know what is.

Why did we decide to take this road?

As the days went by we got on really well, especially on the last day whn we went down to the very South of the island, looking for a place called Long Beach where I would be able to snorkel. After hitting several dead ends, and the road turning into a dirt track, I thought they were probably ready to kill me, but they loved it......it was the road less travelled, in the frekking middle of nowhere. Keila had to get off her bike as some of the slopes were so steep her motorbike would not carry both of them.

It was all worth it in the end

I really liked them, and even told them I needed a pic with them as no one would ever believe that I had befriended someone with dreadlocks.

The guys have now left, but I have decided to spend a few more days here. I am either here or in dirty Bangkok waiting for Ignasi and the Germans who arrive on the 11th before we head to Nepal.

So here I am, just chilling, realizing that I am getting so tanned that the hairs on my arms are going blonde.

It is a hard life.....

Almodovar's New Movie: Rocio and her tuk tuk

Rocio and her tuk tuk

Life is always more interesting and bizarre than fiction. I am now ready to write the script for Pedro Almodovar's next movie and it will all be based on fact......

On my last night in Laos I met a Spanish girl who was just about to cross the country in a tuk tuk!!!! How mad do you have to be do that? But the best bit of all is that it was unplanned. An Australian couple had bought the tuk tuk and used it to travel around Laos. Eventually they got bored but had to get it to Vientiane to sell so they decided to advertise to see if anyone would take it across the country for them, 700 kilometres in all.......and Rocio took up the offer.

I have always admired people with the guts to do things that the rest of the world would think insane......people like Kester who has run 200 kilometres in the Amazon or Ignasi who decided to cycle around the world on his own. And now Rocio in her tuk tuk, going around Laos.

What can you say to people like that? I just take my hat off to them.

One of the last things I saw in Laos, a lady cooking a huge lizard

The Wild East

My blog is a bit out of sync. I have spent the last few days with no Internet access so days no longer matter.

As planned I went to Attapeu and this time it was everything I had read about it. A sleepy little town with less than 20,000 people, with a very odd name which means 'buffalo shit'. It was everything I had hoped Laos was.
I was the only falang in town and even had three teenage girls following me one evening. It was like being in Take That, but Laos style - no screams, just giggles.

The main problem being the only Westerner is that trekking becomes expensive. I could not afford the prices they asked for. Everything had to be done just for me, so I ended up hiring a motorbike and riding around for a couple of days.

The most amazing place is the Dong Ampham National Protected Area. It borders Vietnam and there is nothing but trees, more trees, and then some more trees. It did hit me while there that if I had a flat tyre I was in the middle of frekking nowhere, but it was so beautiful I didn't care. There are also plenty of snakes and I saw lots of dead ones on the road.

In the evenings I had to hide in my room. In the land of hairless pocket size Laotians, I was the Hairy Giant and my landlady had the intention of getting inside my pants. I was a bit unaware of it until she got herself inside my room and started feeling my arms....It had been a while, but not long enough to turn me.

On my last morning, after the usual free breakfast that I got and no one else did, she made me miss my bus. Nevertheless, after I panicked, she got someone to take me on a pick up truck after the bus.

After my visit to COPE, and everything I read about unexploded bombs, my heart skipped a beat when I heard a small explosion beneath us........it was a tyre blowing because the road was too hot but to me it sounded as if we had hit a landmine - call me a drama queen, but Hey Ho!!!!

So off we went for the last 30 kilometres missing a wheel but, then again, it was probably a miracle that the bus had all its wheels anyway.

We eventually got to Pakse safely and I went to the gym, which is probably the gayest thing you can do.........well that and riding a Hello Kitty Pink bike.

I am loving South Laos so, to anyone that may ever read this, come before it is all chopped down......

The 4000 Islands

So far the most amazing sunset I have seen

It is funny the turns that life can take. I was not expecting to find myself so relaxed and comfortable in the four thousand islands. Here the Mekong opens up to a myriad of islands near the border with Cambodia, some no larger than a few square metres and others several kilometres long. I had avoided Vang Vien in the North as I had been told it was like a young backpackers' playground, twenty somethings high on mushrooms tubing down the Mekong. The Islands may go that way but, as of yet, they are still a very relaxed place - not the height of Lao culture, but still a great place to chill.Having said that, what made it for me were the people I went with. Catherine, Halrond, Cristine, Sara and Marcus were just great, each so interesting in their own right. Catherine and Halrond had been travelling for a while, almost a year, and I think the pressure of travelling had put a strain on their relationship. I really liked Cris especially when, in her mix of Spanish and French, she told me to shut up as it was too early for my verbal diarrhoea. But at fifty something she didn't mean it in a malicious way, she just wanted to have her coffee in peace. She was not a morning person whereas I am hyper as soon as I get up. I really liked Marcus, my room mate for four or five nights, it had been a while since I had got on so well with a complete stranger...... Spanish cab driver Sara worked at her father's cab company in Menorca during the summer season and then went travelling for the rest of the year. We had all agreed that I could talk but she was a non stop talking machine. I also met a half Finnish/Thai girl who spoke Spanish with the strongest Mexican accent. She was so funny.....taking a long boat under her little Chinese brollie she shouted.......'there is still glamour left in Laos'.

We have spent the last few days cycling around the different islands visiting, once again, different waterfalls and getting completely drunk on lao whiskey, which I'm certain you could run a bike on.

I was wondering what is he smoking?

Initially I was against the idea of swimming in the Mekong as I assumed it would be too filthy, and it probably it is, but the water for our showers was taken straight from it so eventually I gave up and jumped in.

I am now travelling to the one of the least visited areas of the country, but also where the environment is supposed to be at its most pristine, Attapeu Province. My guide describes it as the Wild East of Laos; frontier territory, it shares borders with Cambodia and Vietnam. The area, being so close to Vietnam, was heavily bombed during the Secret War which probably made logging there that bit more difficult.....

The Sun

I'm so glad that I left North Laos. As beautiful as Louang Prabang is, and as comfortable as I felt in Vientaine, I have discovered that the South is the Laos I had imagined.

I decided to travel VIP bus because for £10 more you get a large bed, though you have to share with a complete stranger. I was lucky to share with Marcus, a 32 year old German and not one of the drunken crowd that was only interested in the price of Beer Lao. We couldn't believe it when we were woken up by the conductor having arrived at our destination, fresh and rested. I am now in Champasak Province and you can't imagine how different it is to what I saw up North. The skies are piercing blue, pristine forest covers the mountains and even the Mekong seems cleaner.

Travelling with me now are Marcus and Catherine and Alnort, another French couple (they seem to be everywhere these days). Once again we crossed the Mekong, over to Champasak, a small enclave that was once the seat of Royal Laos but is now no more than two streets that cross at a grand fountain. However it's a lovely place, the remaining French colonial style houses mixing with traditional Lao wooden ones. The main reason though to come to this town is to visit Wat Phu Champasak.


Although small in comparison to the grandiose Angor Wat over in Siam Reap (Cambodia) this is the largest and most important Khmer site after Angor Wat and its importance has been recognized by UNESCO who have now declared it a world heritage site.

Walking up the very narrow uneven steps the sweet smell of the Monoi trees in bloom overwhelms your senses. And looking back there is a great view. Beyond the Baray, the ceremonial lake, a mixture of paddy fields and forest carpets the land as far as the eye can see. One of the great things about the site is it's location.


The lower slopes of Phu Pasak, colloquially known as Mt Penis, set the complex among beautiful heavily forested mountains with not one single fire in sight. We decided to go there by bicycle but soon discovered that cycling 10 kilometers under a smoke free scorching sun is not the best idea, especially as we had agreed to take a French Cambodian lady with us who didn't feel strong enough to cycle the whole distance. Nonetheless she repaid us with a great guided tour explaining the meaning of many of the sculptures. Cycling back we were treated to the most amazing sunset.


As the sun set behind Phu Pasak the clouds circled the mountain, like the ring of Saturn. Time seems to have slowed in this place. I am bewildered by the pace of life, by how no one ever seems to be in a rush and will not want you to rush them. This seems to be particularly true down here, but it may just be the heat. And I am loving it.

After all my time in London this is so refreshing, though I'm sure I will want to kill someone if I need something urgently and they go at their own pace. I once read something the French use to say about their colonies in Indochina. 'The Vietnamese plant rice, the Cambodians watch it grow and the Lao listen to it grow'. Although I am certain that they didn't mean it as a compliment, I can see how appealing this way of life can be. If you ever wanted an antidote to the rat race, I have found it.

We are all going down to the 4000 islands for a few days. They may not be the highlight of Lao culture, but I am in the mood to just relax and while away my day in a hammock, reading my book and drinking fruit juices.

With the occasional lao lao thrown in for good measure of course...

Learning to COPE

My new friends that work in the COPE centre with a few Lao beer.......

I like Vientiane, it is a charming small town, probably one of the smallest capitals in the world.
After having travelled around the North for a while it was good to go into shops, shops that sold things, things that I may want. Things that I mostly could not afford but at least I could touch.
One of my main reasons to come to Vientiane was to visit COPE and discover more about the great work these people are doing.

In 1961 JFK gave a famous speech to say that America wanted peace in Laos. To prove it, over a 9 year secret war, the US dropped more bombs in Laos than the Allies did during the Second World War. As America fought Vietnam it worried that Communism could extend through Laos and then down to Thailand. Certain areas, especially in the South, such as the Hoi Chi Min Trail were so heavily bombed that its people were obliterated. As this was a secret war there were no rules of engagement and civilian populations were massacred. Worryingly, one third of those bombs never exploded and every year thousands of people are injured or killed by the UXO (Unexploded Ordnance). COPE's work is to provide as many prostheses for the injured as possible and to raise awareness of their plight.

Sadly, in a country as poor as this, the value of scrap metal is undeniable........rising commodity prices mean that the scrap metal value of a long cluster bomb carrying case can feed a family for 2 or 3 months. But as the kids and adults try to lift the bombs they sometimes detonate or they step in one of the hundreds of 'bombies' that were spread from the main bomb.

I was lucky enough to be invited for a few beers with a group of prosthesis doctors and other staff from the clinic. It was a great afternoon, and I learned more about their work. They were all very welcoming. As Sommay, one of the staff, explained to me, every time they fit someone with an artificial leg they give them a new lease of life. The prosthesis may be considered slightly crude by Western standards but they are a lot better than having nothing to walk with.

One of other aims of COPE is to work with other organizations to try to ban cluster bombs. After what I have seen, I am ashamed that we ever built them and that they are still around.

Mr Buman was a source of everything you want to know in life. My favourite sentence was, 'when you learn english you speak, you then drink beer lao and all speak no listen'

There were other great people that loved to tell me things about their job, like Summay and Bi. They were so polite and made me feel embarrased for wearing a vest.

As amazed as I was by the work these doctors do, some of them trained abroad and could probably get a better life elsewhere, I was more stunned by the work of the UXO clearing units. These units are a mix of Laotians and former army engineers from several countries who criss cross Laos, especially the South, clearing these instruments of death.

The Cope Laos Website

One last thing I love about this town are their tuk tuks, a mixture of Harley Davidson and supermarket trolley, with drivers as mad as Hell Angels.

On a haze of Lao beer, and with the taste of dried smoked squid in my mouth, I am going to make my way South hoping that, as I have heard, everything is greener and the skies are blue........

Hello Kitty

I have often wondered in the last few months how more surreal life can get but every time I am amazed to discover that things can and do always get even stranger. 

My bus journey down from Louang Prabrang to Vietane, the capital of Laos, was one of those moments. Most people avoiding sitting with me on buses in Laos. In a country where the average person is shorter than Kylie or Prince legroom is very restricted and the space you do get makes Ryanair feel like Business Class.

So as I'm getting myself ready for a 16 hour journey my heart sank when I had, not one, but two people sitting with me. Tickets are sold until every seat has been filled, then extra plastic stools come out in the walkway. Then once every possible space has been taken it is time to compress - I guess it is all about densities. To make matters worse, the child that was sitting beside me decided the best place to rest her head was either on my arm or my chest and even had the cheek to complain when I moved.

Travelling on our bus were two armed guards with what looked like kalasnikovs. 5 years ago a bus was attacked on this route, by bandits, and all the passengers were killed. It was just all too surreal, very much Laos though.

I found this sign very amusing, how exact!!!

There are no public toilets except in major cities so both men and women have to relieve themselves by the side of the road, but you can't go too far, partly cause it's pitch dark and partly due to the amount of unexploded bombs still left in the country.

I was going to treat myself to a new room for the next few days but as I arrived at 6am, I had to take the only thing available...a bunk in a dorm!!!!

To make my life just that bit more entertaining my bank has blocked my card again. So, after another journey from hell part 2, I decided to chill and go to the gym and even managed to barter for half price admission!!

But the best bit of all was the bike I rented to get to the gym and around town. I shopped around and once I had found the cheapest place by far I realized that the only one they had with a basket, an essential here, was a pink Hello Kitty one!!!!

I know now that I am not the only gay in the village because two local camp members of the tribe approached me while I was cycling.......asking me one thing or another while I was trying my very best not to get killed. I also had a guy and his girlfriend who wanted to know where I rented it from as they thought it was so cool and kitsch - I was just so embarrased.

Anyway, it will be one of my enduring memories of this country.......my little pink Hello Kitty bike......

One bit of very exciting news though........I am going to Nepal in April.

New Friends

I love this pic I took in a bar, after lessons from Ignasi...

One of the best things about travelling alone is the need to meet people, to make friends. After leaving Charles in Mysore and travelling for two days on a train it hit me that I was on my own.

Someone said to me that you need to love yourself to travel around on your own, so I guess I have been desperate to find new friends.

Nonetheless, I have met some good companions. Some approach you to save money on accommodation, some to kill the boredom that their friends or partners' company brings, and others simply because they are friendly good hearted souls.

Laurent, Alexandra., Melanie, Arnod, Alexandre, Sage and Olf...

I am so glad I met Alexandra and Laurent, so kind and caring. Alexandra was worried about me travelling alone, as I am as dizzy as she is, but she had her own personal bodyguard. Laurent was big and beary, and his heart was just as big as he was.

As I travelled up north I met Arnod and Melanie, my Frenchies, they were so stereotypical, I loved them, with their love of wine and food, we even discussed chicken a la Dijonaise while eating buffalo in one of the villages.

My favourite, but also most hated, was Sage, the 19 year old Canadian girl that approached me at a bus station to share a room. As much as she irritated me sometimes I admired her natural demeanor, her ability to relate to the locals, even though she then killed it all by screaming 'this is so coooool'...

And I also met Roberto. He asked me, on a bus, if I knew any cheap guest houses and if I wanted to share with him and his friend. Alexandro, his friend, was a nice guy, but something about Roberto was disarming. He had worked as a builder in Parma to pay for his degree in economics and once finished, close to a breakdown, he went travelling. He is what I used to love about myself, but braver. I would have never, at 23, spent a month in Borneo on my own. Kind and witty, he is probably one of the most fascinating people I have ever met. So Italian and so not Italian. At 6'1”, with ginger afro and a strong muscely body he didn't fit the stereotype.

The worse thing of all about travelling is that you leave all these people behind. Cristel, Carles, Ignasi, Roberto, Alexandra, Laurent, Melanie, Arnod, Alexandre, Sage...but I will probably come across them somewhere again....

Villages and Forests of Northern Laos

My three day trek through the far North of Laos has been a depressing experience.

I came to this part of the country under the impression that I was going to find a pristine environment. The Lonely Planet talks about 96% forest cover. Sadly, I would say it's more like 9.6%. Forests are being chopped down at a mind blowing speed. I was expecting a level of some degradation after what I'd seen in other parts of the country, but I had also been told the National Protected Areas were exactly that, protected. I'm afraid however that the Nam Ha National Protected Area is scarred by logging and fire all over. We stood next to a sign for the NPA with a background of smoke and barren land.

The joint action of industrial scale logging and slash and burn agriculture by the locals has resulted in kilometers and kilometers of brown or blackened hills.

Were once stood biodiversed forest now rubber tree plantations dominate. I also came here to visit the villages that belong to some of the several different ethnic minorities that live here, to partly discover the real Laos. This was more rewarding. Although you always have the feeling that you are intrusive and almost in a circus the villagers seemed to be as interested in us as we were in them.


Particularly, I enjoyed the late night signing. The Akha, the ethnic minority we visited, have a long oral tradition that is passed down through songs and verses.

Late night singing from the villagers...we tried to follow them but could only come up with Happy Birthday!!!


Certain things shocked me, especially seeing a dog being slaughtered and then roasted as part of a ceremony of remembrance for a recently deceased. That was probably the most foreign, alien thing I have ever experienced. And I couldn't avoid feeling extremely sorry for these people.

I saw extreme poverty in India, but also an incredible potential. This country and its people are so poor, but once they've finished destroying their environment tourists will no longer come, and one of their main sources of income will disappear. Having said all of this I have to recognise that my first day of the trek was fairly enjoyable, as we walked through forest that had been kept untouched...for tourists.


The sad thing was that on parts of the path we could see through the trees other areas being logged and burnt. I'm waiting to hear what other people tell me about the South before I decide whether to give up on Laos or carry on.

Bus Journey from Hell

My bus journey to the far North of Laos has been a disheartening experience. It was not the atrocious conditions of the bus journey itself, but the smoke, forest fires and level of environmental degradation I saw during our slow progress. I had booked an express ticket, but I can assure you that there was nothing express about it.

My not so express bus...


As we drove North and away from Louang Prabang the roads got worse and the noise in the bus every time we hit a pothole more deafening. I was convinced the bus was going to fall apart before I reached my destination. Further proof of this was when we hit a slightly deeper pothole and my seat collapsed backwards.

As with every bus journey though you always get an insight into the local psyche. I'm not sure there are many other places where people will happily wait when the driver decides to make an unscheduled stop to watch a swine being loaded into a pick up truck!!! Not only were people happy with the stop but more and more people got off and joined in the discussion of how to transport the animal safely.

Nuclear winter over North Laos and food available in the market...


As we travelled North I was hoping for the skies to clear up and the smoke to weaken. Sadly, it was the opposite.

Fires were raging across the mountains, either burning areas that had just been logged or land being opened up for agriculture. The Chinese are munching through forest at an unbelievable speed - it's the price this country is having to pay for the help they're getting in building roads and other infrastructure projects. The most depressing thing is that these people are desperately poor, 75% live in less than $2 a day.

Their natural resources, namely timber and hydro power, are being squandered by its aging elite. As children sit naked and dirty by the road, the Communist Party prepares itself for organizing the Asian Games of 2009, its officials easy to spot in large black Audis or similar.

I have met a French couple, Melanie and Arnod, and a very young Canadian, Sage, so I'm travelling with them for the next few days. I'm sharing my bedroom with Sage to keep costs low, although I can't believe someone can sleep on so late, it must be a question of age.


We spent our first day here in Luang Nam Tha cycling around the valley, visiting some of the villages, some locals weaving, some just whiling away their days, and some old lady smoking opium on her pipe while she carried bamboo.


Arnod is a profesional photogropher so I am determined to learn as much as I can from him while I can. Tomorrow we are off to Muang Sing for a three day trek in the National Forest of Mah Han near the Chinese border.