Going to Jail

I might never make it back to London as there's a possibility I could end up in jail in Thailand. I used to pride myself on being a seasoned traveller - aware that a lot of people in this part of the world think I am a walking cash point. As soon as I got back to Bangkok I went to the State Railway Office to get a train down to Ko Chang. They told me that no trains run there and instead took me to a Government accredited travel agent.

I needed a return ticket, and was aware that next week the Songkran (Water) Festival was going to be celebrated throughout Thailand, so I ended up buying tickets which, including the ferry, cost almost ฃ50. I knew I was paying over the odds so asked the price of the public bus, but it was it was only ฃ5 cheaper.

Although it was expensive, I believed the woman when she told me that all the tickets had sold out due to the festival and I also wanted a bit of a break before tackling Nepal. I was raging mad, like a rabid dog, when I discovered that the return ticket should only have cost ฃ7.5!!!! So I am determined to go back, stand in front of the agency, and tell tourists my story until I get some type of refund.

Nevertheless I am quite liking this place. It is the second largest island in Thailand after Phuket, it is also a Marine National Park and is mostly covered in forest. It is a mixed bag - the coast, especially the West side, is heavily developed for a few hundred metres in from the sea but otherwise is proper thick, bushy, rainforest.

The Thai Government is trying to make it more upmarket, and I must say that it is more expensive that other places I have been but, after searching, I managed to find a bungalow for a fiver, not near the beach but just nice enough. The only problem with the place was that my first bungalow had a nest of bees under the door and one stung me, so I had to rush to the toilet to piss on my leg.........

On the ferry across to the island I met three kiwis, a couple and another girl, who were travelling together for a few months. They are now off to Frankfurt, not sure why. Anyway, we hung out for the last three days. I have always said that this trip was about me broadening my horizons, expanding my mind. Well, Sheldon, the guy, was a hippie with dreadlocks....now if that is not me changing I don't know what is.

Why did we decide to take this road?

As the days went by we got on really well, especially on the last day whn we went down to the very South of the island, looking for a place called Long Beach where I would be able to snorkel. After hitting several dead ends, and the road turning into a dirt track, I thought they were probably ready to kill me, but they loved it......it was the road less travelled, in the frekking middle of nowhere. Keila had to get off her bike as some of the slopes were so steep her motorbike would not carry both of them.

It was all worth it in the end

I really liked them, and even told them I needed a pic with them as no one would ever believe that I had befriended someone with dreadlocks.

The guys have now left, but I have decided to spend a few more days here. I am either here or in dirty Bangkok waiting for Ignasi and the Germans who arrive on the 11th before we head to Nepal.

So here I am, just chilling, realizing that I am getting so tanned that the hairs on my arms are going blonde.

It is a hard life.....

The 4000 Islands

So far the most amazing sunset I have seen

It is funny the turns that life can take. I was not expecting to find myself so relaxed and comfortable in the four thousand islands. Here the Mekong opens up to a myriad of islands near the border with Cambodia, some no larger than a few square metres and others several kilometres long. I had avoided Vang Vien in the North as I had been told it was like a young backpackers' playground, twenty somethings high on mushrooms tubing down the Mekong. The Islands may go that way but, as of yet, they are still a very relaxed place - not the height of Lao culture, but still a great place to chill.Having said that, what made it for me were the people I went with. Catherine, Halrond, Cristine, Sara and Marcus were just great, each so interesting in their own right. Catherine and Halrond had been travelling for a while, almost a year, and I think the pressure of travelling had put a strain on their relationship. I really liked Cris especially when, in her mix of Spanish and French, she told me to shut up as it was too early for my verbal diarrhoea. But at fifty something she didn't mean it in a malicious way, she just wanted to have her coffee in peace. She was not a morning person whereas I am hyper as soon as I get up. I really liked Marcus, my room mate for four or five nights, it had been a while since I had got on so well with a complete stranger...... Spanish cab driver Sara worked at her father's cab company in Menorca during the summer season and then went travelling for the rest of the year. We had all agreed that I could talk but she was a non stop talking machine. I also met a half Finnish/Thai girl who spoke Spanish with the strongest Mexican accent. She was so funny.....taking a long boat under her little Chinese brollie she shouted.......'there is still glamour left in Laos'.

We have spent the last few days cycling around the different islands visiting, once again, different waterfalls and getting completely drunk on lao whiskey, which I'm certain you could run a bike on.

I was wondering what is he smoking?

Initially I was against the idea of swimming in the Mekong as I assumed it would be too filthy, and it probably it is, but the water for our showers was taken straight from it so eventually I gave up and jumped in.

I am now travelling to the one of the least visited areas of the country, but also where the environment is supposed to be at its most pristine, Attapeu Province. My guide describes it as the Wild East of Laos; frontier territory, it shares borders with Cambodia and Vietnam. The area, being so close to Vietnam, was heavily bombed during the Secret War which probably made logging there that bit more difficult.....

The Sun

I'm so glad that I left North Laos. As beautiful as Louang Prabang is, and as comfortable as I felt in Vientaine, I have discovered that the South is the Laos I had imagined.

I decided to travel VIP bus because for £10 more you get a large bed, though you have to share with a complete stranger. I was lucky to share with Marcus, a 32 year old German and not one of the drunken crowd that was only interested in the price of Beer Lao. We couldn't believe it when we were woken up by the conductor having arrived at our destination, fresh and rested. I am now in Champasak Province and you can't imagine how different it is to what I saw up North. The skies are piercing blue, pristine forest covers the mountains and even the Mekong seems cleaner.

Travelling with me now are Marcus and Catherine and Alnort, another French couple (they seem to be everywhere these days). Once again we crossed the Mekong, over to Champasak, a small enclave that was once the seat of Royal Laos but is now no more than two streets that cross at a grand fountain. However it's a lovely place, the remaining French colonial style houses mixing with traditional Lao wooden ones. The main reason though to come to this town is to visit Wat Phu Champasak.


Although small in comparison to the grandiose Angor Wat over in Siam Reap (Cambodia) this is the largest and most important Khmer site after Angor Wat and its importance has been recognized by UNESCO who have now declared it a world heritage site.

Walking up the very narrow uneven steps the sweet smell of the Monoi trees in bloom overwhelms your senses. And looking back there is a great view. Beyond the Baray, the ceremonial lake, a mixture of paddy fields and forest carpets the land as far as the eye can see. One of the great things about the site is it's location.


The lower slopes of Phu Pasak, colloquially known as Mt Penis, set the complex among beautiful heavily forested mountains with not one single fire in sight. We decided to go there by bicycle but soon discovered that cycling 10 kilometers under a smoke free scorching sun is not the best idea, especially as we had agreed to take a French Cambodian lady with us who didn't feel strong enough to cycle the whole distance. Nonetheless she repaid us with a great guided tour explaining the meaning of many of the sculptures. Cycling back we were treated to the most amazing sunset.


As the sun set behind Phu Pasak the clouds circled the mountain, like the ring of Saturn. Time seems to have slowed in this place. I am bewildered by the pace of life, by how no one ever seems to be in a rush and will not want you to rush them. This seems to be particularly true down here, but it may just be the heat. And I am loving it.

After all my time in London this is so refreshing, though I'm sure I will want to kill someone if I need something urgently and they go at their own pace. I once read something the French use to say about their colonies in Indochina. 'The Vietnamese plant rice, the Cambodians watch it grow and the Lao listen to it grow'. Although I am certain that they didn't mean it as a compliment, I can see how appealing this way of life can be. If you ever wanted an antidote to the rat race, I have found it.

We are all going down to the 4000 islands for a few days. They may not be the highlight of Lao culture, but I am in the mood to just relax and while away my day in a hammock, reading my book and drinking fruit juices.

With the occasional lao lao thrown in for good measure of course...

Hello Kitty

I have often wondered in the last few months how more surreal life can get but every time I am amazed to discover that things can and do always get even stranger. 

My bus journey down from Louang Prabrang to Vietane, the capital of Laos, was one of those moments. Most people avoiding sitting with me on buses in Laos. In a country where the average person is shorter than Kylie or Prince legroom is very restricted and the space you do get makes Ryanair feel like Business Class.

So as I'm getting myself ready for a 16 hour journey my heart sank when I had, not one, but two people sitting with me. Tickets are sold until every seat has been filled, then extra plastic stools come out in the walkway. Then once every possible space has been taken it is time to compress - I guess it is all about densities. To make matters worse, the child that was sitting beside me decided the best place to rest her head was either on my arm or my chest and even had the cheek to complain when I moved.

Travelling on our bus were two armed guards with what looked like kalasnikovs. 5 years ago a bus was attacked on this route, by bandits, and all the passengers were killed. It was just all too surreal, very much Laos though.

I found this sign very amusing, how exact!!!

There are no public toilets except in major cities so both men and women have to relieve themselves by the side of the road, but you can't go too far, partly cause it's pitch dark and partly due to the amount of unexploded bombs still left in the country.

I was going to treat myself to a new room for the next few days but as I arrived at 6am, I had to take the only thing available...a bunk in a dorm!!!!

To make my life just that bit more entertaining my bank has blocked my card again. So, after another journey from hell part 2, I decided to chill and go to the gym and even managed to barter for half price admission!!

But the best bit of all was the bike I rented to get to the gym and around town. I shopped around and once I had found the cheapest place by far I realized that the only one they had with a basket, an essential here, was a pink Hello Kitty one!!!!

I know now that I am not the only gay in the village because two local camp members of the tribe approached me while I was cycling.......asking me one thing or another while I was trying my very best not to get killed. I also had a guy and his girlfriend who wanted to know where I rented it from as they thought it was so cool and kitsch - I was just so embarrased.

Anyway, it will be one of my enduring memories of this country.......my little pink Hello Kitty bike......

One bit of very exciting news though........I am going to Nepal in April.